they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
