just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
