turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
