How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
