I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
