Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
