Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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