Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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