it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize