I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
