She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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