I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
