An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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