I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
