ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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