ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
