He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
3pm strippers are depressing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
