With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
