Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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