do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
