I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just high enough for therapy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
