It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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