Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize