woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
