Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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