i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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