I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
