You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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