i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
