We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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