I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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