After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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