and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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