Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
