Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
