Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
whose parrot is this?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
