You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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