I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
jump out the window naked night went bad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
