Fuck appropriateness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
