Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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