what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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