I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
