The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
