apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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