Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
