Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring