We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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