Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?