I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
