Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
