we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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