been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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