My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
