This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
