I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
