Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
