There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
