i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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