I am puke
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
