..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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