listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
