I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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