bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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