He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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