My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
