We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
